Busy...

Why is it that we all want to strive to do things, but are always so busy doing things, we never quite get to the things we want to do....confused. Me too. Me not we...always me.
Time...the need to things...cleaning, washing, cooking (want as well)... the want to things cooking, scrapping (scrapbooks), sewing, painting, decorating.
Need to but really want to things...cleansing of closets...both for myself and others! ha. Organizing of piles of stuff that seem to endlessly continue to grow...up and out... The garage, oh, the garage. It is such a want...a NEED...but takes every one's input, every one's want...and there are too many other things getting in the way. Work for one. Kids two. Life: three - one hundred!

Schedules? Do you make them up for something to go by, or do you not put anything in a schedule, and fly by the seat of your pants? I am in between...somewhere, in between!

Guilt? I have it when I sit down, and do nothing. I have it when I am with one child and not the other. I have it when I want to spend time with friends, not family. Guilt. Shameless guilt. No one makes me feel guilty - I do it to myself. Why? German - is my normal excuse. My mother was German, and so I must be productive, always doing something. My Lupus has put a thorn in my side about that. Really can't do everything that I enjoy (cleaning cobwebs -yes I enjoy this), and not rest or stress out about it. And, yes, I do stress about cobwebs. Doesn't everyone?

So, my goal after reading "The Pioneer Woman", and her purging of closets, and dressers for all 6 of her family...goodness! I can't keep the kitchen clean enough to eat in it. How does she do it...ah, yes, productive!

Goal this week...clean out closet! At least my closet. We will see. =)

Toes

Why is it such an indulgence...having a pedicure?

Today, was down day for me...that normally consists of sitting on the couch, normally being catered to by my sweet, loving, husband David, on the couch, not moving much, and IF I do...well, it is to tend to the needs of the body, nothing more or less, with drugs...drugs to cope with the swelling and pain.

Today was different. Hurting. Swollen, still am, yet here I type...away the moments of the day.

Okay...back to toes...it is a pure indulgence...sweet. You sit in this chair, that gently massages your back, as your feet are in warm to hot water...then some stranger (that you may or may not know by name), starts to clean your feet. Mind you, it is NOT about your feet being cleaned or groomed by any means, it is an art. First, tending to what needs to be done...then the lotion. Ah, the lotion. A reminder this is happening while the chair you are siting in massages your back and neck...feet. My feet hurt...from the ankles down, heck, from the hips down on my down days. Feet...back to the feet...

It hurts to walk, move, hurts to touch. But this is indulgence remember. Jessica (the strangers name) knows me well enough to not put pressure on the massage of the lower part of the legs. Spots on the bottom of your feet are supposed to help certain organs, and Jessica (in her own words) starts in the kidney areas, then the joints...then stomach...

Ouch.

"A rose by dawn...broke by noon" is the OPI (nail color) that I chose for the day. Pink is a great color. Feminine. Pure girlie. Down days are meant to be girlie. Feminine. Well, for me that's all that matters...Pink, glitter. Perfect. Lotion, soft, hurts when massaged to nothing. But on down days, toes - it is the greatest pleasure.

Everyone should have a down day...one that you go either by yourself or with girlfriends...just go. It is so uplifting. No matter the cost.

We (David and I) ended up attending the Stage Crafters play "Life after high school" at the Fort Walton Beach auditorium...and saw a so-so show...but it was good to dress up (with the toes), and attend the show with my loving husband.

A good night.
still hurt.
but a good night...

Day One

Writing has never been easy for me. I write like I talk, around in circles, never seem to find an end. If you can stand to read further than today...good for you...and yes...for me.

My Family...
me, a 42 soon to be 43 princess of Christ...trying to understand Lupus, and limits, and life.
David, husband of 2 1/2 years, wonderful, patient, irritating.
Carmen, daughter, 16 years old, finding independence.
Stephen, son, 12 years old, still snuggles, trying to let go, to encourage growth.

We have a cat, Abagail, and a rat terrier (I actually believe he swallowed a rat terrier - he is huge), Dexter soon to be a year old.

David and I have been married since August of 2006. Blissful at times. Not really difficult. Easy. The way it should be with your partner. First time around was very difficult. Now, I just have to share parenting...and even then, really don't share it.

Carmen. She is very strong. Smart. Smarter, than I ever wished I could be. She gets that from the other side of the family...although...she can be blond most of the time. She has a sweet spirit, and loves being a princess.

Stephen. Boy. Young man. Coming into his own. Recently participated in Odyssey of the Mind Competition and they won 1st. Goodness. He has his own ideas, imagination. Loves Lego's. Loyal. Snugly.

Me. I love many things. I don't have a collection of any one thing...can't keep collecting long enough to have enough of anything. I love dolls, figurines, plates....tea settings...Disney prints...quilts (mainly made by my Mamaw)...pictures...and scrapbook supplies...but I can't accomplish any one task. I have finally started and finished now 2 albums. I am still working on my daughter's album. Ugh. Really.

Lupus. Diagnosed in May of 2006. It is a difficult (there is that word again), complicated disease for me. And others. You can't see that I am sick. Sick. What does that mean? So tired, that your eyes don't want to open. Hands hurt. swell. pain. Inflammation. everywhere, but really can't see it due to my weight. Yes, I am overweight - obese. Trying to get healthier, but it is easier eating junk foods, or even convenience foods. Sad. I need to exercise to lose weight, feel better. It hurts to exercise. So here I sit.

Okay - enough. I love to cook. I am trying to cook more and more, mainly to eat healthier, but also to save money.

I will post recipes as I take pictures...and taste along the way. I will try not to bore you.
=)